Mixing colors with feelings.

I have battled with my depression for as long as I can remember and so I have had plenty of time to come to terms with my depression. I learned what it is and ways of managing it.

People tend to ask me: why are you depressed, you have such a nice life? My simple response is I don’t know. Depression wasn’t something I could control; neither was my anxiety. Back in 2009 I was in my high school and self doubt caught a hold of me. I was constantly criticizing myself to the others around me. I felt I wasn’t doing well and it was something I was doing. I couldn’t control my emotions. This mood started to spread and I found it especially hard wih my failing grades.

I approached a Doctor and a therapist in September 2016 and started to get some treatment. Various different prescription and therapy and I still didn’t feel like anything was helping; it only made me feel worse. It was horrible. I felt isolated, scared, alone and lost. I had days where I felt positive, there was that depression thought in the back of my head telling me otherwise;and started to win. I started to believe that it was all my fault. I had attempted to end my life many times but I couldn’t do it. Despite it being hard for me to express how I feel deep down, the people around me mean the world. If it wasn’t for those beside me, I wouldn’t be standing here sharing my story.

When you’re depressed, the tendency is to withdraw and isolate. Even reaching out to close family members and friends can be tough. But social support is absolutely essential to depression recovery. Staying connected to other people and outside world made a huge difference in my mood and outlook. The other fact that helped me to fight depression was to be ACTIVE. When I was depressed my energy levels droped drastically, but the least thing you want to do when your feeling down is to keep yourself from getting up. What I did was; I did cardio one hour a day, 3 days a week and sometimes going out for a walk, visiting my friends, going out with them for a dinner. It really elevated my mood.

I still have days where I feel useless, or that I messed everything up, however now I feel like there are positives which I can look upon and go towards. I don’t want to tell you I know what it is like because everyones story is different; but I do want to tell that it will be okay. With the right support and people around you, you will be fine.


1 Comment

  1. rishma i can really relate with what you’re going through. infact it’s my big ego that’s saving me from killing myself. have you ever watched a depressed person eyes, those vacant eyes staring into the void the nothingness and the tears rolling down your cheek you don’t know why and occasional laughter for who knows why. and how is your friend anxiety treating you nowadays. it visits me in strange hours haha when i don’t want him to. anyway all these psychiatric things are created by me so they’re my own children they come they go they wanna stay well stay. too many years of depression and shrinks and medication makes you loose all your feelings and emotions. i can’t even shed a tear when someone i love dearly dies. well maybe i am enlightened but fuck if this enlightenment i don’t want it. anyways be happy

    Liked by 1 person

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